Consider

Christian marriage is a covenant before God, not a contract that lasts only while both people feel satisfied.

Begin by remembering what you promised and what God designed marriage to be: a faithful union in which husband and wife belong to one another and build a life together.

Reflect privately · Husband

1. Where have I put my comfort ahead of sacrificial love for my wife?
2. What promise can I honor through one concrete act of service today?

Reflect privately · Wife

1. Where can I practice honest respect and partnership toward my husband today?
2. What promise can I honor through one concrete act of service today?

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Why did we choose each other?
2. What did we believe we were promising when we married?
3. Where have we begun treating marriage transactionally?
4. What is still genuinely good between us?

Pray together

Thank God specifically for your spouse and ask Him to make you faithful to the covenant you made.

Consider

Today is deliberately one-sided: do not diagnose your spouse. Turn the mirror toward yourself.

Christian growth begins with honest self-examination, repentance, and a willingness to change before demanding change from someone else.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Where have I grown selfish?
2. Where have I become lazy, bitter, passive, or harsh?
3. Where have I stopped pursuing my spouse?
4. What would my spouse probably say is hardest about being married to me?

Pray together

Ask God to expose your own sin clearly and give you courage to change it.

Consider

Biblical headship is modeled after Christ. It is responsibility, sacrifice, service, courage, and love—not domination.

A husband's leadership should make his wife more secure and cherished, not smaller or afraid.

Reflect privately · Husband

1. Where am I passive when I should lead?
2. Where am I protecting my comfort instead of carrying responsibility?
3. Does my wife experience my leadership as security or pressure?

Reflect privately · Wife

1. Where do I feel supported by my husband's leadership?
2. Where do I need greater clarity, initiative, or sacrificial support from him?

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What does sacrificial leadership look like in our actual household?
2. Where does leadership become confused with control or preference?
3. What responsibilities need clearer ownership?

Pray together

Ask Christ to teach the husband to lead by serving and laying down selfishness.

Consider

Biblical respect does not require pretending a husband is always right or remaining silent about sin.

It does reject contempt, humiliation, manipulation, and treating marriage as an adversarial contest.

Reflect privately · Husband

1. Do I behave in ways that make respect unnecessarily difficult?
2. Do I receive correction humbly or punish disagreement?

Reflect privately · Wife

1. Where has frustration become contempt?
2. Does my husband know that I value and respect him?
3. How can I disagree without belittling him?

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What does respectful disagreement look like for us?
2. Where has contempt or defensiveness entered our communication?
3. How can respect and honest correction exist together?

Pray together

Ask God to remove contempt and build a marriage marked by honor, humility, and truth.

Consider

Conflict is not automatically a sign of a bad marriage. Sinful conflict is destructive.

Truth should be spoken plainly, but the goal is understanding and reconciliation—not winning, humiliating, or punishing.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Which conflict habits hurt us most: sarcasm, shouting, shutdown, contempt, old grievances, or something else?
2. What helps each of us stay engaged without escalating?
3. Practice: 'When ___ happens, I feel ___, and I need ___.'

Pray together

Ask God to govern your tongue and make your words truthful, restrained, and useful.

Consider

Listening is not waiting for your turn to rebut. Understanding your spouse does not require agreeing with every conclusion.

A spouse who feels accurately heard is far more able to work toward a solution.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. One spouse speaks for five minutes while the other asks only clarifying questions.
2. The listener summarizes: 'What I hear you saying is…'
3. Switch roles.
4. What did you understand today that you had previously missed?

Pray together

Ask God for patience, humility, and the discipline to hear before speaking.

Consider

A Christian apology names the wrong instead of hiding behind vague language.

Real repentance says: I did this. It was wrong. I understand how it affected you. I have no excuse. Will you forgive me? Then it pursues actual change.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Where have I apologized without really taking responsibility?
2. What makes it difficult for me to admit wrong quickly?

Pray together

Confess your sins to God and ask for a soft heart toward correction.

Consider

Forgiveness does not mean pretending nothing happened, eliminating every consequence, or instantly rebuilding damaged trust.

It does mean refusing vengeance and refusing to keep a genuinely repented-of offense loaded as ammunition for the next fight.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What am I still holding over my spouse?
2. Have I said 'I forgive you' while repeatedly weaponizing the same offense?
3. Is there an issue where forgiveness and rebuilding trust need to be distinguished?

Pray together

Ask God to make you both truthful about harm and generous in forgiveness.

Consider

A marriage cannot thrive forever as a household management company.

Husband and wife should still enjoy one another, laugh together, and maintain a friendship that exists apart from chores, bills, and children.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What did we enjoy when we were dating?
2. When have we laughed together most?
3. When do you feel closest to me?
4. What have we stopped doing that we should bring back?

Pray together

Thank God for companionship and ask Him to restore warmth and delight in your friendship.

Consider

Healthy marriages periodically tell the truth about where they are instead of waiting for a crisis.

The purpose of a marriage review is direction, not accusation.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Rate spiritual unity, communication, friendship, affection, sexual intimacy, trust, parenting teamwork, household teamwork, finances, fun, respect, and feeling loved from 1–10.
2. Where are our ratings most different?
3. Which two areas would make the biggest difference if they improved?

Pray together

Ask God for wisdom to see the marriage accurately and hope to work on what needs attention.

Consider

People change over years. Loving your spouse well requires continuing to learn who they are now, not assuming you already know everything.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What are you currently stressed about?
2. What are you excited about?
3. What are you afraid of?
4. What are you looking forward to?
5. What do you wish I asked you about more often?

Pray together

Ask God to make you attentive to your spouse's inner life.

Consider

Familiarity can make faithful service invisible. Gratitude brings ordinary acts back into view.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What does my spouse do routinely that I rarely acknowledge?
2. When do I feel most appreciated by you?
3. What kind of appreciation feels sincere rather than performative?

Pray together

Thank God for specific qualities and acts of service in your spouse.

Consider

Physical intimacy is broader than intercourse. Marriage needs ordinary warmth: hugs, kisses, closeness, touch, and affection that does not always carry an agenda.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Do we show enough casual affection?
2. What kind of physical affection helps you feel connected?
3. Does affection ever feel absent, transactional, or automatically sexualized?

Pray together

Ask God to restore tenderness and warmth between you.

Consider

Marriage should not receive less intentional pursuit than dating did. Romance does not require expensive plans; it does require attention.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What makes time together feel like a date instead of another errand?
2. What simple date would you genuinely enjoy?
3. What usually keeps us from making time for this?

Pray together

Thank God for the privilege of continuing to pursue the person you married.

Consider

Scripture treats marital sexuality as mutual, meaningful, and worthy of honest attention.

Neither coercion nor chronic neglect is a healthy model. The goal today is truthful conversation without punishment for the answers.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Are you satisfied with our sex life?
2. How often would you ideally have sex?
3. What helps you feel desired?
4. What makes intimacy difficult?
5. Do you ever feel pressured or rejected?
6. Is unresolved resentment affecting desire?

Pray together

Ask God for tenderness, mutual generosity, honesty, and purity in your sexual relationship.

Consider

Marital sex should contain desire and pursuit, not merely obligation. Husbands and wives both benefit from knowing they are wanted.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What makes you feel attractive?
2. What communicates desire to you?
3. What tends to kill desire?
4. What would make romantic pursuit feel more natural between us?

Pray together

Ask God to protect desire within the covenant and teach you to pursue one another generously.

Consider

Sometimes your spouse needs a solution. Sometimes they need companionship inside the problem before any solution is offered.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. When I bring you a problem, what do I usually want first?
2. Do you tend to fix, withdraw, minimize, or listen?
3. What helps you feel emotionally supported?

Pray together

Ask God to make you compassionate without becoming controlling or dismissive.

Consider

Laughter is not frivolous. Shared joy creates memories and reminds a husband and wife that they are more than coworkers surviving a schedule.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What do we do that reliably makes us laugh?
2. What kind of fun have we neglected?
3. What is something low-effort we could do more often?

Pray together

Thank God for joy and ask Him to keep your home from becoming joyless or relentlessly serious.

Consider

Attention is one of the clearest ways we communicate value. Screens easily consume the small windows when marriages could reconnect.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Do our phones receive more focused attention than our spouse?
2. Do screens invade meals, conversations, or bedtime?
3. When do you most notice me half-listening?

Pray together

Ask God to help you use time deliberately and give your spouse undivided attention.

Consider

Ten days of intentional connection should now give you evidence about what actually helps rather than what sounds good in theory.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What has made you feel closest to me during the last ten days?
2. What felt forced or ineffective?
3. What should we continue?
4. What should we change?
5. Finish: 'I feel most loved by you when…'

Pray together

Thank God for any progress and ask for perseverance where connection still feels difficult.

Consider

Many arguments that feel emotional are actually systems problems: unclear ownership, invisible work, overload, or unmet expectations.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. List the recurring responsibilities in our household.
2. Who owns each one?
3. Who carries the invisible planning?
4. Where is someone overloaded or under-contributing?

Pray together

Ask God to make your household a place of service rather than scorekeeping.

Consider

Money reveals priorities and creates pressure. Financial unity requires shared facts, shared goals, and the ability to talk without secrecy or contempt.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Review income, debt, spending, savings, giving, retirement, and upcoming expenses.
2. What are we trying to accomplish financially as a family?
3. Where do our priorities differ?
4. What financial issue creates the most stress?

Pray together

Ask God for wisdom, contentment, generosity, discipline, and unity with money.

Consider

Children benefit when husband and wife operate as a team instead of undermining one another or forcing children to navigate competing authorities.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Do we undermine each other in front of the children?
2. Can the children get different answers by asking a different parent?
3. Where are discipline standards inconsistent?
4. What are our biggest shared parenting goals?

Pray together

Ask God for wisdom to raise your children faithfully and as a united team.

Consider

Children are blessings, but they are not meant to become the entire marriage. Your parenting partnership is strengthened when the marriage itself is protected.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Has nearly all of our time become child-centered?
2. When do we regularly relate as husband and wife rather than only Mom and Dad?
3. What marriage time is realistic in this season?

Pray together

Thank God for your children and ask Him to help you protect the marriage that anchors the household.

Consider

Marriage creates a new primary human loyalty. Parents, siblings, friends, work, and outside voices should not govern the marriage from the sidelines.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Does anyone outside our marriage have too much influence over us?
2. Are there boundaries with family or friends that need clarification?
3. Do we protect one another publicly and address disagreements privately?

Pray together

Ask God for wisdom to honor extended family while keeping the marriage covenant primary.

Consider

The standard of marital fidelity is higher than 'technically, I did not cheat.' Faithfulness includes guarding the heart, attention, secrecy, and sexual boundaries.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What boundaries do we need around pornography, social media, flirting, private messaging, former partners, or emotional intimacy with others?
2. Is there any secrecy that would damage trust if discovered?
3. What does proactive covenant protection look like for us?

Pray together

Ask God to guard your hearts, eyes, communication, and sexual faithfulness.

Consider

Work is good and responsibility matters. But work can consume the best of a person while the family receives only exhaustion and leftovers.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Does work regularly get my best energy while home gets what remains?
2. Which sacrifices are temporary and which have simply become normal?
3. What work boundary would make our home healthier without ignoring real responsibilities?

Pray together

Ask God to make you diligent at work without allowing work to become your master.

Consider

Exhausted people often become impatient spouses. Rest is not laziness when it restores a person to serve faithfully.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Are we sleeping enough?
2. Does either spouse receive far more leisure than the other?
3. What kind of rest actually restores each of us?
4. What can we stop doing?

Pray together

Ask God for humility to respect human limits and wisdom to order your time.

Consider

Your body affects your marriage through energy, health, mobility, mood, attraction, and longevity. Stewardship is not perfection or control of your spouse.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Am I taking reasonable responsibility for the body and life God has given me?
2. What health habit would genuinely improve our household?
3. How can we support rather than police each other?

Pray together

Ask God for discipline without vanity and care for one another without control.

Consider

Repeated arguments often need a system, not another emotional conversation. Clear routines remove avoidable friction.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Where are we functioning well?
2. What produces repeated friction?
3. What responsibility remains unclear?
4. Where does one spouse feel unsupported?
5. What simple system could solve a recurring problem?

Pray together

Ask God for practical wisdom to build an orderly, peaceful home.

Consider

A husband should not outsource the spiritual direction of his household entirely to his wife or church. Spiritual leadership can be simple and consistent rather than impressive.

Reflect privately · Husband

1. Do I initiate prayer, Scripture, worship, and spiritual conversations?
2. Where have I been passive because I felt unqualified or busy?

Reflect privately · Wife

1. What kind of spiritual initiative from my husband would genuinely help me?
2. How can I encourage rather than manage his leadership?

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What would a sustainable spiritual rhythm look like in our home?
2. Where have we made spiritual life too complicated or too sporadic?

Pray together

Ask God to make the husband a humble spiritual servant and the home increasingly centered on Christ.

Consider

Prayer changes the posture of marriage. It is difficult to continually reduce your spouse to a complaint while sincerely bringing their burdens before God.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What are you struggling with right now?
2. What do you want me praying for this week?
3. Is there anything you have been carrying alone?

Pray together

Use your spouse's actual requests rather than a generic prayer today.

Consider

A Christian household should not treat church as a religious add-on. Worship, teaching, fellowship, and service help place marriage inside a larger covenant community.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Are we participating faithfully in church life?
2. Are we being spiritually fed?
3. Are we serving or only consuming?
4. What would deeper Christian community look like for our household?

Pray together

Ask God to root your marriage in a faithful local church and Christian community.

Consider

A marriage becomes stronger when husband and wife are building something larger than personal comfort. God entrusts homes with people, resources, opportunities, and work to steward.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What do we believe God has entrusted to our family?
2. Where can our marriage serve others?
3. What kind of home do we want to create for our children and community?

Pray together

Ask God to use your marriage for His kingdom rather than merely for your own comfort.

Consider

Long familiarity can make strengths ordinary and failures vivid. Healthy spouses deliberately remember what is admirable in one another.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What do you admire about me?
2. Which character qualities do you hope never change?
3. Where have you seen me grow?

Pray together

Thank God for specific strengths in your spouse and ask Him to continue forming their character.

Consider

Routine is unavoidable; neglect is not. Romance is the repeated decision to communicate, 'I still choose you and enjoy pursuing you.'

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What makes you feel pursued?
2. What would make our marriage feel less routine?
3. What would you enjoy doing together this month?

Pray together

Ask God to keep affection and delight alive as your marriage matures.

Consider

You will disagree again. The goal is not to imagine a conflict-free marriage but to decide in advance how you will behave when conflict comes.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Which rules would protect us when emotions are high?
2. When is a short break helpful and when does it become avoidance?
3. When should we seek pastoral or professional help?

Pray together

Ask God to make future conflict an occasion for truth and growth rather than destruction.

Consider

Habits protect good intentions. Day 41 should not mean returning to autopilot.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. Which daily practices are worth keeping?
2. What should happen weekly?
3. What should happen monthly?
4. How often should we intentionally review the health of our marriage?

Pray together

Ask God for consistency in small faithful habits.

Consider

A marriage drifts when husband and wife never decide what they are trying to build. Vision turns today's habits into tomorrow's household.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What do we want our faith to look like in five years?
2. What kind of parents and friends do we want to be?
3. What do we want our sex life, finances, health, and home to look like?
4. What memories do we want to create?
5. What do we want our children to remember about our marriage?

Pray together

Commit your plans to God and ask Him to correct your ambitions where needed.

Consider

The goal was never to finish an app. The goal was to establish a way of living together marked by covenant faithfulness, repentance, affection, truth, and prayer.

Look back honestly, celebrate real growth, and decide what you will carry forward.

Discuss together

Make room to listen. Put the phone down between questions.

1. What did I learn about myself?
2. What did I learn about you?
3. What do I still need to change?
4. What do I appreciate more about you?
5. What do I want our marriage to become?

Pray together

Thank God for what He has done, confess where you still fall short, and ask Him to make your home increasingly marked by faith, peace, affection, truth, laughter, repentance, hospitality, fidelity, and love.